The Lost Halo Syndicate

Dating Tips: 10 Signs He's Smitten  Here is the original website.  http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88929/dating-tips-10-signs-hes-smitten

I felt commentary was necessary on this stuff, first because I am guy and this article was obviously written by a woman and needs translating, and # 2, it’s just begging to be ripped apart, and I have the Eye of the Asshole* this morning.  So without further ado, I will take all the knowledge I have garnered via Sitcoms (the original wiki-pedia of relationships) and stand up comedians and apply that information to this list.  Should be dead on. 

1. He talks you up to all his friends.  Friend of Smitten guys asks, “Hey, you still seeing that same girl.  She seems cool.”  Smitten guy replies, “Yeah!  She’s awesome.  Licks my balls and everything!  Now spot me, I’m pushing 275 this time.”  This more or less encapsulates “Talking up.” to guys. 
2. He enjoys doing the most mundane activities with you.  If by mundane task you mean watching me beat down some punks on Modern Warfare 2, then hell yeah, let’s ride that train together.  
3. He'd rather talk to you than watch the latest episode of "24"... at least for now.  Talk means blowjob, right?  I do have to give the writer credit for putting that “for now” part at the end.  You will lose out to explosions sooner or later.  Most dudes have mastered the art of filtering out chick voice when something more exciting is happening, plus “24” has lots of action sequences where you can pretend to listen and not miss a major plot point.  This could work.
4. He's not afraid to say, "I love you."  No man should be afraid of those words.  It’s the fastest way to get in the panties without Tequila. 
5. He misses you. Always.  I miss my dog.  Always.  Your point?  This one is a double-edged sword.  Missing you becomes thinking about you all the time.  That becomes obsessing over what you are doing right now.  Like Yoda said, “Obsession leads to anger, anger leads to stalking, stalking leads to masturbating outside your bedroom window, and then the cops show up.”  Be careful when encouraging such behavior, ladies.
6. He takes it for granted that you have a future together.  Every guy does this.  Every dude assumes that his dick is so magical that you will keep coming back over and over and begging to get a taste of it.  Heh…taste of it.  Went blue on that one, but it’s more or less true.  “She can’t get enough of this.” And points to crotch with the handle end of the croquet mallet I happen to be holding. 
7. He goes the extra mile…for the pussy!  ZING!  But seriously folks…
8. He can't get over how beautiful you are.  This could be true.  But ask yourself something; how often do you do it doggystyle?  The part he finds beautiful may not be your face.  "He says I am the prettiest girl he has ever known."  And guys never lie to keep you happy and bent over the kitchen table.  Nope...never lie. 
9. He picks you over the boys.  The “boys” don’t usually suck my dick.  I mean, there was that one time in Tijuana…but it’s not standard.
10. He's willing to be a total mush.  I was originally going to write “all over you face” but that seemed vulgar and not in keeping with the highbrow satire you are accustomed to reading from me.  So I’ll just say this; define “mush”!  Is that that stupid baby talk, “Cubbzy wubbzy” bullshit that some guys do when they are euphoric on sex?  Or do you mean a mushy pet name?  “Hey Sugartits!  I miss you.”  “How is my little Candy-Poon today?”  “This is my girl, Karen, but I get to call her Captain Swallows.” 

* Eye of the Asshole is kind of like having the Eye of the Tiger, only it’s not a shitty 1980’s buttrock anthem and despite the name, you actually get punched in the face less often.