| Daddy's lil girl |
| Feature Blogs - Lifestyles by Ponygirl |
| Written by Leisa |
| Friday, 05 March 2010 06:39 |
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Just kidding... I learned to play catch, had racetracks and climbed trees. I also skateboarded, did the BMX thing and was pretty good for a girl. I guess by now you can tell my dad wanted a boy, but got....me Leisa. Not only was I a tomboy but a princess too! I took tap, jazz and ballet lessons till i was 18yrs old. My childhood was pretty strict, Usually because my mom was the one to enforce the rules..and for some reason or another, that till this day i cant fathom, why I was the one who always got grounded! It wasn't like my terror of a lil sister never did anything to get in trouble, but that i was the one who seemed punished all the time. But I knew sooner or later my dad would come save the day and by Saturday, I was off the hook....time for me to go hit the skating rink with my friends. My dad knew how to read me...he knew when I was calculating some way to break out of doing chores, when I was depressed, and when I blasted Queen meant I was pissed about something or another. There was a point in my life, that I made some mistakes, and low and behold my dad had my back. There was nothing that his little girl could do wrong....he knew how to fix everything with a kiss and a hug. My dad fell about 16yrs ago...on those dumb white elephant planters that usually sit on the porch...you know the ones that Hispanic families believe bring good luck...well in this case, my dad needed to have neurosurgery because he was bleeding in the brain. On the table he suffered a major stroke which he NEVER recovered from. His mind was now of a child. From that moment on, I felt abandoned.....I now knew what my friends who had an absent parent felt like. I could no longer run to my dad for advice or encouragement or the consoling I desperately needed from my dad. As the years have past us by....i visit my father and he looks at me with eyes of a stranger then there are those moments he greets me with a smile of acknowledgment. It has been hard...for my own selfish reasons, but he is still my dad. He sees my daughter playing outside and he shouts to my mom" look at Leisa" not knowing that in fact I'm grown up and that is my child he sees. That's when I knew he still remembers that i was daddy's lil girl. This past November my father fell again and broke his hip. No one knew he was hurting, remind you he cant voice how he feels... let alone what hurts. he also suffers from dementia.....he has been in and out of the hospital since then. We recently found out 2 weeks ago he has advanced Parkinson's disease and any medical treatment will not make him better. This Tuesday he went back in the hospital for pneumonia and sepsis of the blood. Here i am again reliving the moment that I was told my dad would never be the same. I visited with him today...he knew who I was. i reminded him of stories from the past and he would laugh.. we watched a movie...It was then that I realized that the roles have changed and I'm in my fathers shoes.....consoling a child trapped in my fathers body. My father is whithering away..and there's not much we can do...but to see my daddy look at me with those eyes...and smile....i knew I'm still daddy's lil girl forever........ |
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